Gloomy Day © by ManoharD

I’m feeling a bit anxious and hopeless again. The transit strike is affecting me more than I expected, and it’s only getting worse as it drags on. (For the record, we’re now at 18 days and counting.)

I’ve run through pretty much all of the money that I have to last until May. I’m getting $33.50 back for income taxes. That will cover one of my taxi rides to school – and not even get me home. I’ll be dipping into my savings after this week, and that will only last me three weeks if I go to every one of my classes and have to pay for a taxi.

Did I mention that because Mark is paying the utilities these days (since I’m very low on funds), I’ve been buying the groceries? Where is all this money supposed to be coming from?

Because the strike has people so polarized when it comes to who they support (the city vs. the union, in most cases) I won’t say who I feel is on the right side here. I don’t want to be “that person” who is wrong for their opinion. But I can say, without a doubt, that regardless of whose “fault” it is – it’s screwing me over, big time.

I can’t afford to live near school, because the rent there is pretty much double what Mark and I pay here. I sold my car to pay for my books last year. (Oh, the irony.) I pay for a bus pass in my tuition, and I can’t use it. This is incredibly frustrating.

On top of the money stress and the inability to really go anywhere because I don’t want to walk across the bridge in the freezing cold, there’s also the fact that I’ve got a ton of things to do during reading week – assignments and group projects. Nobody’s emailing me back about the group projects. How do they expect to get things done if they aren’t willing to do them? I haven’t been quiet about the fact that I hate group projects in the past, but this one is even worse because the TA for the class hasn’t replied to me about what our topic is – I couldn’t go to class because I didn’t have the $50 to get there and back that day.

I try to stay on top of things, and I try to make the most of everything. I’m a good student and I work hard – but I’m getting things thrown at me from all angles here. What’s even more ironic is the fact that I started therapy two days before the bus strike – and now I can’t make any more appointments until I have a way to get there. The very thing that is keeping me from going to therapy is the reason I need it now more than I did before. Imagine that.

I hate being so negative here on the little site. I try to offer up happiness and self-love (mostly in the form of links) and I try to write about things that make me happy. But sometimes, it’s better to write about what makes you unhappy than to write nothing at all, I suppose.

How do you deal with it when it feels like your world is falling apart?

2 comments on “That Feeling Again”

  1. I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time right now. You don’t need the money stress on top of everything else you’re dealing with. I hope the strike ends soon.

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