Loneliness

I’m working on getting my sleeping patterns back in check, but for now, I’m just trying to do what my body tells me to do. I ended up sleeping 14 hours last night, so this isn’t entirely unexpected – just unpleasant and inconvenient.

One of the worst parts of having insomnia, though, is the utter isolation. Mark is in there sleeping soundly (aside from when I accidentally dropped the TV remote when I moved to the living room!), and most of the people I know are curled up comfortably and happily in their beds. I’m here… awake and alone, save for the cats who occasionally try to stir up trouble.

A friend of mine had her bachelorette party tonight, and I had no idea it was happening until I saw some photos where she was tagged. It turns out it was an event on Facebook, but I never managed to find it or be invited. I’m really happy and excited for the awesome couple, but I can’t help but feel sad that I wasn’t there. I feel sometimes like I miss out on a lot of fun.

Another thing that the party reminded me of was my own bachelorette party. I don’t talk often of my previous marriage on here because there’s not a lot to say. However, the festivities of that night left a lot to be desired. My maid of honour left after supper because she was arguing with her mother (my ex-husband’s sister), my soon-to-be sisters-in-law spent their night dancing, singing, and drinking, I felt a bit like an afterthought throughout the night, and I ended up going home early because the only other girl there decided she wasn’t in a partying mood. As sad as it is when a marriage ends (I’ve had quite a few years now to get past those feelings), I’m glad I get to do certain parts of it again someday. The wedding is one of those parts. I often feel as though it’d be selfish to want a fantastic wedding since I’ve technically done it once already, but I figure I’m just as deserving as anyone else, and the people who matter won’t care that it’s not my first wedding.

See what sleeplessness does to me? I babble and ramble on about nothing and everything all at once. Here’s hoping I can get a nap in sometime during the day, and then perhaps continue fixing my schedule.

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