My comment in my last post about how this was a safe space to talk about my pregnancy because nobody really read it anyway got me thinking – how many people continue to post because they don’t think anyone is reading? Presumably, the whole point of blogging and putting your thoughts online is so that other people can read them and share input and feedback, but what about people who don’t have a lot of (or any) followers? Does everyone just give up if they’re not going to be remotely internet “famous”, or do people continue to post and share their lives online?
The only thing that’s kept me from posting for the last while is the fact that I thought people would read it that I don’t want knowing all the details of my life. I am starting to come to the realization that it’s not so much what people know that’s the problem, it’s what people decide to share. I feel a lot of times that people’s interest and concern for things going on in my life is less genuine than collecting gossip fodder, and that frustrates me. It’s why I shut people out. It’s odd though, because I’m a completely open door with people who don’t have anything to gain from my news.
Even a question as simple as “how are you feeling?” feels disingenuous to me from certain people. It feels more like a way to say “I spoke with Angela, and she’s feeling ____” as opposed to actually wanting to empathize and talk about my current situation.
My therapist has a theory as to why this is. I might go into this later once we’ve talked it out some more – it makes perfect sense, as most of her theories do. I’m lucky to have access to someone impartial in my life – someone who isn’t influenced by the things and people I’ve fought to get over.